Don’t even think about it…
Every hat-wearing’ feller I know has had to, at one time or another, correct a piece of unspeakable bad behavior. To wit: Some idiot grabbing or — worse — knocking off said hat. I once told a guy at a college party that if he smacked my hat brim again I was going to punch him in the face. He did and I did. For some reason, this surprised him.
You just don’t touch another man’s hat. Wild Bill knew this:
All sorts of mayhem ensues when you mess with a man’s hat. It ain’t just a Western thing either. Ask Dropkick Murphys…
I had a hat when I came in, I hung it on the rack
I’ll have a hat when I go out
Or I’ll break somebody’s backCasey wore his brand new hat to Murphy’s wake last night
Someone stole my hat boys, it started up a fight
Casey smashed the furniture, the radio as well
I nearly woke the corpse up when he began to yellI had a hat when I came in, I hung it on the rack
I’ll have a hat when I go out or I’ll break somebody’s back
I’m a peaceful, loving man, I am, and I don’t want to shout
But I had a hat when I came in… I’ll have a hat when I go outCasey kept on shouting, boys, they couldn’t keep him quiet
Someone phoned the cops up to come and stop the riot
Two cops rushed into the room but Casey laid them out
“I fired ’em through the window”, they both heard Casey shoutI had a hat when I came in, I hung it on the rack
And I’ll have a hat when I go out or I’ll break somebody’s back
I’m a peaceful, loving man, I am, and I don’t want to shout
But I had a hat when I came in… I’ll have a hat when I go outI’m a peaceful, loving man, I am, and I don’t want to shout
But I had a hat when I came in, I’ll have a hat when I go outCasey kept on shouting, boys, till one-eyed Paddy Flynn
Socked him on the whiskers with a great big rolling pin
He knocked poor Casey senseless, it was an awful clout
As he lay there unconscious Casey shouted outI had a hat when I came in, I hung it on the rack
And I’ll have a hat when I go out or I’ll break somebody’s back
I’m a peaceful, loving man, I am, and I don’t want to shout
But I had a hat when I came in… I’ll have a hat when I go outI’m a peaceful, loving man, I am
I’m a peaceful, loving man, I am
I’m a peaceful, loving man, I am
(I had a hat when I came in, I hung it on the rack
I’ll have a hat when I go out)
I’m a peaceful, loving man, I am
(I had a hat when I came in, I hung it on the rack
I’ll have a hat when I go out)
Or I’ll break somebody’s back
Craig Rullman says
And never put one on the bed either.
JimC says
Corb Lund has something to say about that:
never put your hat on the bed, son, never put your hat on the bed
cuz if your hat’s on the bed you might wake up dead
so don’t ya never put ya hat on the bed
and if you do be sure it’s upside down, son, if you do be sure it’s upside down
cuz if there’s any doubt, it keeps the luck from runnin’ out
so if you do be sure it’s upside down
Rick Schwertfeger says
Had to correct something at a recent wedding in Minnesota. My Philadelphia resident Cousin-in-law – a guy I really like – put my hat on a table right side up. That was rectified immediately. I hadn’t heard the “keeps the luck from runnin’ out” reason before. But I like it!
wayne says
In the words of Lyle Lovett, “If it’s her you want / I don’t care about that / You can have my girl / But don’t touch my hat.”
JimC says
Yes — wonderful. Forgot about that one. Excellent work.
Thom Eley says
In my Indian Scout hat is a business card that came with it that says,”This ain’t yours, pard. Put it back or your ass will be severely kicked.” They just don’t teach hat etiquette anymore. For example, a hat is either on your head, on a peg or on its crown (not the brim). My boys and I were visiting my dad a number of years ago, and they had, much to my embarrassment, baseball caps on backwards. Well, old dad was a character. When he opened his mother, you never knew what was going to come out. When introducing him to a lady friend in high school, he said, “She’s not fat like you said.” Anyway, my dad sees the backwards baseball cap, and in his Marine Corps command voice commands, “Turn those caps around. Don’t you that it is against the law in Mississippi to wear a cap backwards. Hell, you could go to jail for life.” The boys’ eyes get big, and they sheepishly turn their caps to the correct position. Then he says, “if your going to wear it, wear it correctly.”
On the way back to Florida, the boys asked me if it was really against the law to wear your cap backwards. My reply, “You heard what your Grandpa said. I don’t know the Mississippi laws but he wouldn’t steer you wrong.”
Paul McNamee says
And let’s not forget the Stetson hat central to “Stagger Lee (Stack O’ Lee)”
JimC says
Keep em rolling!
Black Tyrone says
My Panama is a very real one {Ecuador made} Its all in the tightness of the weave. My wife says Belloc from Indiana Jones wore the same. Thats Ok… JUST DON’T TOUCH IT.
JimC says
NOTHING beats a true Central American made, real-deal Panama hat. And a cigar.
Black Tyrone says
You bet! Its all in the attitude. You have it or you don’t.
Paul McNamee says
Dammit. Now I want a Panama hat, too.
JimC says
You’d rock it.
Soule says
Except an Mexican Stetson weave..
Or Better Wool USA Made Stetson!!
They Rock
And they Last
wayne says
There’s a hilarious scene in the The Wire in which one of the detectives asks a Baltimore street kid where he can get one of those cool ball caps with the brim on the side. The kid looks at him for the longest second before he realizes he’s having his leg pulled.
JimC says
That made me laugh aloud. Thanks.
Craig Rullman lent me the whole series. I have to start watching it.
Breaker Morant says
There is my wonderful ten dollar Africa hat with a bit of impala blood still on the brim.
wayne says
Let us know what you think about it.
lane batot says
Heck, guys, I kin understand about hat “etiquette” and all, but nobody is sayin’ the real WHY you should leave someone else’s hat alone. Goes back to when(and still might could) there was the possibility of swappin’ parasites with yer fellow primates handlin the same head gear…..
Pat_H says
True. It’s sort of like putting on another man’s BVDs.
You wouldn’t do that.
Pat_H says
As a wearer of broad brim hats myself, I’ve occasionally been shocked by how some rude vulgarian will actually pick up your hat and put it on, like its a toy.
Poorly raised is all I can say.
JimC says
Appalling manners, rank ignorance, under-developed survival instincts.
Pat_H says
Now I’m going to be forced to download the Dropkick’s Murphys song. . .
JimC says
“Forced,” he says…
Chris says
100 ! 3 man rules and this is #3 . #1 don’t fuck with a man’s woman ! #2 don’t fuck with a man’s dog ! Thank you for understanding and posting something I could share with my brother that wasn’t my writing (heart)
Chris says
You were in the right to punch him in the face , especially after a warning …. I’m guessing some brothers never had a lesson, good for you … Right on (thumbs up)