There’s so much shit being slung around these days about “toxic masculinity” and a “crisis of masculinity” and red pills and blue pills and the “influence of testosterone” on the presidential election (WTF?). There are a great many sites offering insight and advice on how to be a man, which is a noble endeavor in a way; but if you think about it, it’s kinda sad. Don’t people have dads and uncles and grandpas anymore?
Anyway, with all that chatter, I’ve been almost tempted to do a major blog post on the subject of masculinity.
Almost.
But this outfit — by which I mean all of us around the Frontier Partisans campfire — ain’t exactly confused about these issues. We don’t need to “talk about it.”
So… no. Instead I offer a handful of statements that should be sufficient to define a creed of proper manly behavior.
Danny O’Keefe on Waylon Jennings:
He took NO SHIT. But he was a very kind man.
That’s the “I’m not taking any shit” look.
Any man — or woman for that matter — who lives in such a manner as to have that said about them has lived an honorable life.
John Bernard Books in “The Shootist”:
I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.
Even a dying man need take no shit.
Again — take no shit, and treat others the way you expect to be treated. Pretty simple, really.
And last… There seems to be a misguided notion among some men that they will curry favor from women by “feminizing” themselves. Bah! No woman worth her salt actually wants a milquetoast “ally.” She wants a man who will show up, step up and do what must be done.
“She said that these were things all women knew yet seldom spoke of. Lastly she said that if women were drawn to rash men it was only that in their secret hearts they knew that a man who would not kill for them was of no use at all.”
― Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing
‘Nuff said.
“Seriously, boys…”
deuce says
“Don’t people have dads and uncles and grandpas anymore?”
I assume that was a rhetorical question. Our collective National Oracle shows us every day that any adult males who happen to be around to influence children are generally clueless and violent, if not malevolent Lords of the Patriarchy. Of course, many children don’t have real-world adult male influences at all. What the kids do see is Homer the Buffoon, etc. Why should they ever think masculinity is anything but “toxic”? Who should they look up to? Wait, Bruce Jenner is a hero and #SoBrave for GIVING UP his masculinity. Got it. A hero for our times.
A great round-up of quotes there, Jim.
JimC says
You assume correctly. Kids raised by TV and smart phones are screwed.
Keith West says
“Don’t people have dads and uncles and grandpas anymore?”
You speak to the root of the problem in one sentence.
“There seems to be a misguided notion among some men that they will curry favor from women by “feminizing” themselves. Bah! No woman worth her salt actually wants a milquetoast “ally.” She wants a man who will show up, step up and do what must be done.”
There is more wisdom in these few sentences than in most of the bloviating on the internet.
JimC says
Thanks, Keith. Appreciate that.
Davide Mana says
I quote you on the dads and uncles thing.
And I’ll also quote here what my grandfather – who had been a partisan, if not of the frontier kind, in the war against the Nazi – used to say, a principle I always tried to stick too:
“do what’s right, and do not fear”
Which applies to men, women and small furry creatures, and to me is a good starting point.
And it’s not as subjective and debatable as it may seem on a first look.
Of my grandad, when he died, I heard say “He was a righteous man.”
It would be enough for me, as an epitaph, but it’s hard to get there.
Cheers!
JimC says
Davide— that’s a beautiful thing and thank you for sharing it. I get what you’re saying about it not being as subjective and debatable as it sounds. A large part of the discontents of the modern (post-modern?) world is that we have succumbed to a sort of washy moral ambiguity about everything. We have traded away freedom on a false promise of liberation.
Davide Mana says
Post-modernists. I hate these guys. 😀
Relativism was a tool for debate and investigation, it became a faith first and later an alibi. Not good.
There’s still a core of basic decency that any human being, in any time and culture, can recognise as valid, and by sticking to it we crawled out of the dark and down from the trees.
Then yes, let’s debate relative merits, let’s discuss, fight over issues. But saying that everything’s the same, everything has got the same value, is cheapening.
JimC says
You touch it with a needle. A tool of inquiry that became an “ethic.” Not good. In fact, it is nihilistic.
CortH says
You’re going to piss off a lot of snowflakes, Jim…
—if they would ever read this.
JimC says
I reckon.
Wayne says
Theodore Roosevelt:
“I want to see you game, boys, I want to see you brave and manly, and I also want to see you gentle and tender.”
I haven’t watched a baseball game in years, but I was sucked into the drama of the World Series this year and watched the last few games. What struck me the most was the contrast between the unnecessary roughness penalties of football, the fouls and in-your-face displays of basketball and the almost gentlemanly atmosphere of baseball. When did we agree as a society to jettison gentlemanly courtesy and dignity in favor of crudeness? I think I might watch more baseball next season.
Matthew says
Writing about masculinity is hard. The thing is that men who give advice about masculinity often have horrible advice. Some of those sites are filled with tips on how to pick up women in bars and long whiny essays on how all women today are sluts. Because that’s what Real Men do spend all their time complaining on the internet.
I think that so many people have grown up without fathers might be the major factor in are crises of masculinity. As exasperating as my dad could be, I’m really glad he was in my life. My mother’s father too.
The weird thing about moral relativists is that they can be as judgemental about others as any religious fundamentalist.
JimC says
Lot’s of truth here Matthew. I find the sites that promote “game” grotesque — and unmanly. Inauthenticity cannot be manly. The whining and bitching about how mean all the girls are is laughable and pathetic.
True that. And heir sole point of moral reference is their own feelings and attitudes. Which is, if you think about it, downright scary.
Matthew says
I agree about the sole reference being their own feelings and attitudes. Since feelings and attitudes can change very quickly, these people are rarely even consistent.
Fletcher Vredenburgh says
Yeah, yep, and yes are all the words I have to say about this (and the comments). Thanks, Jim
JimC says
Back at ya.
Breaker Morant says
A good recent quote on the subject is the “How to be a man speech” from the 2003 movie ‘Secondhand Lions.” Great family movie that does not shy away from manliness.
JimC says
Great movie.
JimC says
Nice work Breaker. Here’s the key part of “The Speech”:
JimC says
Mi amigo Mike Biggers notes that the picture of Waylon bears a strong resemblance to Alex Ovechkin in a similar frame of mind…
John Cornelius says
Kipling wrote a rather long piece with a very short title – “If” – that covers (and covers, and covers) the subject of manhood nicely.
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master,
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!
John C.
john roberts says
This touches on a matter I’ve noted all my life and which composes a great part of Larry McMurtry’s fiction: the capacity of women to adore and devote themselves to utterly worthless men. Who among us has not loved a girl who ignored us completely but fell for a guy who eventually beat her, then left her pregnant and disappeared? And then, often as not, she sought out another such abusive man. I suspect that this is a female instinct from the Stone Age. The qualities that make men total sociopaths now were the ones that made for successful chieftains in our primitive past. He might not be the most romantic lover, but he could protect you and your children,and provide for them. Stone Age brutes are not welcome in the modern world, but once they were the alphas and women competed fr them.
JimC says
That’s the dark side of it and it’s wired in.
Matthew says
I have to wonder how much a true sociopath would provide for his tribe and his family. I’d of thought he’d as much a danger to them as any enemy.
One of the themes of Tolkien and Lewis’s work is that anything bad is really something good that’s been perverted. Courage can become foolhardiness. Feminism which started as a movement for more opportunity for women has been twisted into something different.
JimC says
That’s an interesting point and worth more exploration. Certainly some of the successful Viking leaders showed tendencies we would consider sociopathic. And wife-beating and internecine murder were very common among the Apache — and they defended their right to conduct themselves in such manner. Geronimo certainly exhibited characteristics we’d consider sociopathic. So is the whole concept socially and culturally derived?
Great. I’m going to be mulling this all damn day…
JimC says
On point re: Tolkien (I don’t know much about Lewis). I imbibed deeply of Tolkien’s wariness about power — including “the power to do good.” Caution in that area would serve us well.
Matthew says
Lewis once said something similar…
“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”
JimC says
True that.
Thedarkman says
Do the right thing. Protect those who cannot protect themselves. Stand up for the little guy. Appreciate beauty in all its forms. It’s ok to cry during a sad song or movie. I cry at the end of Braveheart every time I watch it. Make fun of me and I will knock you the f**k out. Be something right and rare; be a man.
JimC says
Well spoken.
Matthew says
It’s fine to cry as long as you wipe your tears and get on with your life. A lot of people say men shouldn’t cry are the same ones who spend all their time complaining on the internet. What a man can’t do is spend his time WHINING.
JimC says
Yes! This exactly.
Eccentric Cowboy says
This is one of those things where if you need it explained to you, then you probably won’t get it anyway. Genuine men aren’t quite as common today as a few decades ago. Most are domesticated to the point in big cities that they don’t know what being a man is actually about and dwell primarily on theorizing rather than doing. With the increase of internet presence we have an ever growing number of over-sized children focusing on talking big rather than doing big. There is an all out war on true masculinity and the traits that make people worth looking up too.
I was tempted to say that old-fashioned men are a dying breed, but swiftly realized that those are the ONLY kind of men that will endure. When things get rough, and they will, they will outlast all of the sissies pretending to be adults. We’re just approaching the curve of the cycle that has gone through history since humanity started whacking each other over the head with heavy sticks.
As long as there are bad guys, wild lands beyond the concrete and steel barricades, and challenges to rise up to, true men will be around. They might not always be the most numerous, but they will last longer and train the next generation.
I suspect that soon the time will come when true men will have a chance to show the youngins what masculinity is all about. Actions always speak louder than words.
JimC says
And this is why I know I’m preaching to the choir. There’s still a bunch of us out here palavering with ghosts and chasing buffalo.
Thom Eley says
Nice article, Jim, and an outstanding series of comments! I’m passing it on to my boys.
JimC says
Thx Thom.
Saddle Tramp says
Jim…
10 minutes to show time.
I don’t know if The Eagle Huntress got up your way or is available otherwise if you did not see it. Still stays with me. See it if you can if you have not. I am sure it will not disappoint. Thought I should post this in the back pages rather than on the front pages. Don’t want to Bogart.
Came across another falconry themed film in Sight and Sound. Saw it at the bookstore. I do not subscribe, but I did buy the one some time ago with the Kim Ward interview of Tarantino with him and the camera on the cover. Take what you need and discard the rest. I take it where I find it. A well done interview. A powerful cover photo.
By the way…
They just played a preview of TABOO coming January 10th as you surely know. Gritty and edgy, especially on the Big Screen.
Back to falconry.
Thought I would pass this along as I have never seen it myself. The film is KES (1969 and is available on DVD. It was on the inside of the Sight and Sound cover.
Here’s a trailer for KES:
https://youtu.be/Q2BMFtefUag